Simple Living: The Result, Not the Goal
For fifty years I have embraced the simple life, with living a minimal lifestyle as the goal. I was wrong.
Yes, simple living is a great objective, but it does nothing to provide fulfillment. It is not the goal.
In 2011, I wrote my first book on the simple lifestyle, titled, “The Last Drop of Living: A Minimalist’s Guide to Living the High Life on a Low Budget.” I followed that with two other books expounding on the concept. All of the ideas work but, sadly, they do not work as well in a vacuum.
I’m married. That complicates life. Just ask my spouse. She likes the idea of keeping things simple, but she is not as enthusiastic about barebones living as I am.
She has family: parents, siblings and kids. I’ve taught my kids that I am not interested in gifts (particularly in receiving them) and they accept that. Her family is reluctant. Her mother, specifically, will not give up the idea that she should spend all her money on gifts for offspring and family that already are far wealthier than she ever was. That clash of ideas could have caused problems.
I prefer to have only essential furnishings. I like Spartan. Janice, my wife, likes adornments. So do her friends, so they sympathize with her “poverty-riddled” lifestyle. Yet, I have earned more money than any of them. We now prefer to help others with it. This difference also creates friction.
Living a simple life on your own may be much easier, but we rarely live in a vacuum, where others have no impact on us. If we do, we have sacrificed an important part of living.
A simple life is not just about doing with less, or even without. It is not about eschewing everyday conveniences. It isn’t about giving up the advantages of modern technology or growing our own food using labour-intensive techniques because we despise gadgetry. It is not about demonizing greed.
A simple life is about uncomplicating some or all aspects of our life, from social interactions to our work, from de-stressing to enjoying every day. It is about embracing variety while knowing passion for the things that are important to you.
The best simple life does not occur because we choose to impoverish our existence. It occurs because we choose to enrich that existence with the experiences that are most valuable to us, while relegating those of lesser significance to the background.
Living simply should occur naturally, as a consequence of finding our passion, taking control of our lives and using our power to live a fulfilling existence. Happiness may be part of that fulfilling life, but so will obstacles and disappointments, problems and conflicts.
Remember in school how some teachers chose to celebrate participation rather than accomplishment? “He or she tried really hard, so here is a gold ribbon.” Even more milquetoast, “He or she took part. We should celebrate.” They diluted striving to be the best so much that there was no reason to try hard. Winning almost became a dastardly deed, denoting a selfish child.
This followed the parenting style that did not require effort from our children. No mom or dad wanted their little one to feel disappointment, only happiness. I’ve got a suggestion for those parents: feed your kids narcotics, hallucinogenic drugs or hypnotics. You’re turning your children into aimless addicts to pleasure, anyway.
My yurt-building took a lot of work. A few injuries, too. But I was immensely pleased with the result.
My housing project saw more rejections and hurdles than successes in the beginning. Funding was the biggest problem, combined with unrealistic expectations of the founding committee. More than half of my three years was spent on finding solutions, only to have another issue crop up. But in the end, 48 tenants have a wonderful place to enjoy all of their golden years. I feel a sense of fulfillment.
My wife’s clients are in declining health. One will be institutionalized within a year. The other has Stage 4 cancer. But both of them have had a much-improved quality of life since my spouse began caring for them. And that makes my wife both happy and fulfilled.
We could have chosen to not get involved in our passions. We could have relaxed, watched TV and over-indulged in junk food. Instead, we forfeited a few holidays and went to work. We have been fortunate to be able to enjoy what we feel passionate about, and that makes both of us feel in control of our lives.
In an upcoming section on Ikigai, I talk about finding purpose. Purpose and passion often go hand-in-hand. Some seek their passion, and claim it is their purpose in life. It may be, but purpose generally involves something larger than oneself.
Tony owns a model train hobby store. He has been passionate about trains for decades and when he retired, he saw a wonderful opportunity to open his own store. It has been a huge success but there are many times that he is overwhelmed by the amount of work and attention it requires.
Before he retired, he used his own model train setups at home to relax and unwind. Now, he has no such luxury.
His wife decided to become a nurse at the age of 46. She is passionate about her new career, and feels it gives her purpose. Both haver found that they have control over their way of living, but Tony now is tied to his hobby so thoroughly that it has become work.
Few of us know what our purpose may be, and fewer still have found the passion in their purpose.
As we discover our latent interests and talents, and then find ways for those purposes to serve a greater need, we find fulfillment, and in that discovery of fulfillment, we take control over our lives, in that area of interest (Morin, 2020).
It is easy to be happy momentarily. A cute child or animal sends a feeling of the warm fuzzies through us. A hot drink on a cold night or a funny movie allows us to laugh. Good friends and a campfire may work for many of us, but when the next day starts, almost all of that euphoria has dissipated as we face another twelve hours of tedium. Even the drug addict thinks he has found happiness, briefly, during his high.
Defining happiness as a moment of personal satisfaction makes the moment and the definition tawdry. Fortunately, you can experience momentary happiness or situational joy briefly, but also experience it as part of a pattern of fulfillment. That changes the definition of happiness from one of personal gain to one of personal growth.
In my minimalism book, “Finding Your Oasis,” (Lee, 2015) I discuss how important it is to make your journey personal, instead of attempting to mimic others to find happiness.
A friend buys the newest technology at every opportunity. However, he is so intent on keeping up with the Joneses that he has little time to even find pleasure in those material things.
When one eschews those material things that do not serve any lasting purpose, and chooses to embrace experiences, one simplifies their life. When one’s life is simplified, one has greater control over that life. This is the reverse way of thinking about living simply. Do not simplify and hope for happiness, satisfaction and fulfillment. Instead, seek out your purpose, find fulfillment in that purpose and you will also discover happiness (Gibson, 2021). Put yourself in control, rather than allowing a dependence on material things to control you.
References
Gibson, M. (2021, November 15). The complete guide to fulfilment in life: What it is, why it is important, and how to attain it – Centre for Emotional Education. Centre for Emotional Education. https://centreforemotionaleducation.com/fulfilment-in-life/
Lee, R. (2015). Amazon.ca. Amazon.ca. https://www.amazon.ca/Last-Drop-Living-Finding-Oasis-ebook/dp/B00A4IEBKS/ref=monarch_sidesheet_title
Morin, A. (2020, July 13). 7 Ways to Find More Meaning and Purpose in Your Life. Verywell Mind. https://www.verywellmind.com/tips-for-finding-your-purpose-in-life-4164689